EXPERIENCE has taught us that life is scripted and that we will follow those unconscious scripts as
if our lives depended on them. Those
scripts have themes.
Here is a collection of the most common
dysfunctional themes:
·
We use external frames of
reference. We focus all of our
attention on what our circumstances are or on what our partners are doing or
not doing, and then we judge ourselves accordingly.
·
We use our relationships as
if they were substances like alcohol or drugs. We treat people as if we were addicted to
them, and believe we can't function independently of them or without the
relationship we have with them.
·
We cannot define our
psychological boundaries readily. We don't
know where we end and others begin. We
tend to take on the problems of others as our own.
·
We try always to make a good
impression on others. This is a way in which we try to
control the perceptions of others. We
are people-pleasers.
·
We do not trust our own
ideas, perceptions, feelings or beliefs. We will
defer to the opinions of others and not stand by our own ideas and opinions,
and always seek validation. We are never really sure.
·
We try to make ourselves
indispensable to others. We will knock ourselves out to
take care of things for others that these same people could actually do for
themselves.
·
We play the martyr; we learn
to suffer, and we do it gallantly. We will
put up with intolerable situations because we think we have to, or because we
don’t know when enough is enough.
·
We are skilled at
controlling others. We try to control everything, but usually fail because it really is an
impossible task.
·
We are out of touch with our
true feelings.
We distort our feelings and express them only when we believe it is justified
to do so, when we believe there is a very good reason. As often as not, the
very good reason is not the truth or the real reason for the feelings in the
first place.
·
We are gullible. Because we are not in touch
with our feelings, we lack discernment. We are bad judges of character, and
will only see what we want to see.
·
We have lost contact with
our spiritual selves. We are often cut off from the spiritual side of life, even though we
work hard at appearing to be spiritual and may think we are deeply
spiritual. A little denial goes a long
way.
· We are fearful, rigid, and judgmental. Black and white thinking dominates our lives¾love me or hate me, for or
against me. Never any middle ground.
Experience Has Taught Us – 175 Missing Pieces –
An Explorer’s Guide to Developing a Handbook
on Life
Available ... Amazon.ca as eBook