For Clarity after last week's sharing ....
Intimacy is the result of a sharing and caring friendship built between people. It is the feeling in a relationship that promotes closeness, ‘bondedness’ and ‘connectedness' without enmeshment.
For someone who has spent their life struggling in enmeshed relationships intimacy is difficult to recognize.
Intimacy is not the focusing on each other, or having sex or fighting with each other. Rather it is a growing - side by side - facing the same direction, facing the problems life has thrown in the way, sharing the world within and sharing the world without, and most importantly, it is the building of a history of experience, one on top of the other and allowing that sharing to cause or create an awareness - together.
The key word in the whole process is with.
With a sponsor, with a friend, with my spouse, with someone who actually cares for me, not just for who they need me to be, but for who I am, and me returning that thought by caring for them just as they are, and not as I need them to be. Oh yes, there is instant sex, instant relationship, instant hot chocolate, but rarely instant intimacy.
Intimacy comes when we are pointed in a healthy direction, when we have a clear identity of who we think we are and are happy with that thought, when we endeavor to live a life of balance, when we are open to trust, and when we are willing to experience our own pain and fears and ultimately when we know, love and accept self.